Retraining Effort Pillows

"I've been re-skilled, Jim Lad."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Maybe we should have gone for a pommel horse.'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

Brian was very proud of his dog.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

A sheep dog has stacked the sheep four high - 'He used to be with the circus before he came to the farm...!'

Overjumpers

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

'Bert's dog training.'

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

'Not that sort of body building program!'

At home with the Bones...one skeleton yells at the dog chewing his leg, 'now cut that out!'

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"The desktop skills test was a little worrying,56% couldn't manage 'Word' 75% were confused by 'Excel' and 43% wanted to know what channel 'Eastenders' was on."

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Fetching is a good thing...but there can be TOO MUCH of a good thing.'

Dog tricks. 'He's doing it right now. Dudley dreams in Technocolor!'

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Shake! Good Dog."

Agility God

"O.K. you're ready to go on to the less embarrassing weights."

"Empty again? What's going on around here anyway?"

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"Look. They say sit, you sit. They say roll over, you roll over. Where's the prob?"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

Dogs stealing cat food - Vice Squad orders 'Stay!'

Hanging off every word...