Retrained Professionals Pillows

"I've been re-skilled, Jim Lad."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"Stock options for your thoughts."

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Any questions?"

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"I hate performance review season."

'Try and be negative in a positive way.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

'One of the new targets is targeting which targets we're meant to target.'

'I'm just not as ambidextrous as I used to be.'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

Hanging off every word...

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

"Clive used to be an astronaut."

Quality Control

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

"The GOOD news is that 94 people want to attend the leadership training, the bad news is that 64 of them want to change the venue, 56 the time and 45 want to be course leader."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"This is the communications workshop, right? Let’s get started, I’m prepared!"

'I hope that training aid doesn't give him the idea that bigger laptops could mean more output.'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"