Rehiring Pillows

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"You're just the man we're looking for. Come around to this side of the desk, and I'll gather up my things and get the heck out of here."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

"OK, you're good and just the guy we need in security."

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"I have a Bachelor's degree from Columbia, an MBA from Stanford, six years experience, and I'm a hell of a mouser."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"Who's next?"

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"Suppose you tell me why you want to be a faceless drone at Globatron Inc.?"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"What other skills do you obtain other than being able to answer interview questions?"

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"HR think we need to look again at your recruitment strategy."

'You'll be broadening up your horizons in a cubicle.'

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."