Retirement Giggler T-Shirts

"Sometimes I wish I could just jump into the dryer and come out wrinkle-free!"

The Busy Gardener

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"Awww man. My nuts are so old they're wrinkled." "Tell me about it."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

The Main Types of Cheese

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

"Garden variety allergies."

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

Yard Sale

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

Beginning Yarder.

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."