Retirement Countdown Enthusiast Pillows

"So...how many days to retirement, Bob?"

No caption. (Man wearing a cast is in traction. He imagines sheep lining up to jump fence. Sheep also wear casts.)

Breast Height Chart

Ed's receding hairline!

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

"Oooh, I know what I want to be when I grow up: Retired!"

"At a certain point, I bring them back."

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

"I can't believe it...school starts in two weeks!"

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

"5...4...3...2..."

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'It looks like you're suffering from TMB... too many birthdays...'

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

"Don't knock Florida! Where else can a 73-year old man get a 35-year mortgage?"

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

NASA Hits Shuffle

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"In normal circumstances a full state pension would be an automatic..."

'If I knew it would mean all these hospital appointments, I'd never have got old!'

"I enjoy being old - my health always gives me something to talk about!"

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

worker sign: weeks to retirement changable 2078,

"You'll see - when you get older, parts start to sag."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Gerontologist on the phone - 'Oh, you know ... same old, same old ... and how are things with you?'

"He was just a year away from retirement."

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your 401k is?"

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"You don't have OCD or ADD. You have OLD."

"There's no getting away from the numbers....only by forgetting holidays, giving up drink, the cinema, meals out and socialising...will we be able to afford any quality of life when we retire."