Retired Life Philosopher T-Shirts

"Mostly, he was just puttering, but now he's also muttering."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"You need to justify your own existence first."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"Always take the bull firmly by the tail and look him directly in the eye..."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"I should've never studied canon law."

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Aging Support Group

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

The Three Kinds of People

"Yes sir, I'm late. But I thought we were supposed to stop and smell the roses ... "

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"I don't believe in egrets."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"Death coach..."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'