Resume Virtuoso Pillows

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'Impressive credentials - BA Columbia, MBA Harvard, stints as CFO and CEO at three major corporations - and what's this about being a bluesman?'

'Impressive resume. Great interview. But can you rock?'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Academic Idol - 'Professor Johannsen's paper was zippy. It had robust vocabulary and I almost felt that I could dance to it. I would give it a 7.'

"It's a play on words."

Ninedency: A budding tendency

"Your vocabulary is enlarged."

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

Wordplay: Nonstarter.

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'Aha! I think I figured out the headache problem, one of these things is pointed the other way. This would explain the double vision.'

"This one's for volunteering for field trips. This one's for planning the class holiday parties. . ."

"It's my conscience... It's all achy"

I know I'm not qualified for the job, but watch my incredible video resume anyway. It got an Honorable Mention at Cannes!

"Of course, that's only a first draft."

Sign on Roget's Thesaurus, Inc.: 'Absent Ingesting Comestibles'

Bring It On!

'You've had the eye exam. Now buy the t-shirt!'

"By the way, about your presentation...Management has made a surprise visit."

Roget's Brontosaurus.

'Once a donzel, the dyvour now settled for orts.'

When English majors become waiters.

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

'The chechako sparged rhamnose into his yerba.'

'They decided to immure the ladrone in a drogue.'

"Sometimes, from time to time, now and again, at times I wish I'd never been given this Thesaurus."

"You've got to give Hunter top marks for presentation."

'Third sentence, second one over...what does that word mean?'

'I put an app on your computer to remove cookies and other thins slowing it down. It's like fiber for your computer.'

"Spell 'flower'" "F-L-O-W-E-R" "Spell 'onomatopoeia'" "This contest is rigged"

'The larrikin was shirty because his crowdy wasn't flyless.'