Resume Riddler Pillows

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"I just Googled you and found out your resume is fake!"

Personnel Manager to applicant: 'Your resume and references are excellent, but your hair is too silly.'

'The secret of getting a good job that fits you perfectly is letting yourself in on what that really is!'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'If you want to see my resume, it's on my cave wall.'

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

HR worker wading through CV's.

"By the time we'd lobbied the government, got planning permission, raised capital, put the job out to tender and built it we didn't need it any more!"

"Your CV is very impressive. We're interested in the person who wrote it."

'Quick - tell me something about yourself not on your resume that will snap you into focus.'

'I read your resume. It's good, but I prefer reading non fiction.'

'The LACK of a resume indicates that I don't need one.'

"If your computer crashes alone in a forest, and no one complains, does IT respond?"

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy."

'I didn't know 'Businessish Management' was something you could get a degree in.'