Resume Riddler Pillows

'I haven't gotten to your story yet. I'm laughing at your resume.'

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

'The secret of getting a good job that fits you perfectly is letting yourself in on what that really is!'

Personnel Manager to applicant: 'Your resume and references are excellent, but your hair is too silly.'

"I just Googled you and found out your resume is fake!"

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

NOW HIRING, 'I don't have any formal training for the position, but I've read all the relevant Wikipedia articles.'

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'If you want to see my resume, it's on my cave wall.'

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

HR worker wading through CV's.

"By the time we'd lobbied the government, got planning permission, raised capital, put the job out to tender and built it we didn't need it any more!"

"Your CV is very impressive. We're interested in the person who wrote it."

Louie Louie Lyrics Challenge. Louie Louie, oh baby, we gotta go. Then what? Every night and day a ladle of me: Back of a girl all cuddly. On a gym that brings me there: A girl with a rose in her hair. Makes sense? Ladle of me? Ladle?! HOJ.

'Quick - tell me something about yourself not on your resume that will snap you into focus.'

"If your computer crashes alone in a forest, and no one complains, does IT respond?"

'The LACK of a resume indicates that I don't need one.'

'I read your resume. It's good, but I prefer reading non fiction.'

"I see from your resume you have a black belt in accountancy."