Resume Riddle Lover Pillows

'You are in luck, Sir, because we've recently fired a worthless, incompetent jerk.'

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

'Uhhh... Houston, we have a problem.'

'I'll give you a clue. The answer is a number, not a fruit.'

'They might look sexy and seductive but all I want to do is the crossword.'

"Excuse me ma'am, may I help you cross the road so that I can get the answer to this dumb joke my friend keeps telling?"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Sphinx Comes Alive

Man selling 'pearls of wisdom'.

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

Suddenly Paul realised that HE had been the odd one out all along.

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

Oedipus

"Dear Diary: Today I picked a peck of pickled peppers."

M16 Code-breakers office

"You can tell us the sound of one hand clapping here, or you can tell us downtown."

"What works in the laboratory may not in real life."

'Caroline goes to her crossword compiling class on Thursdays.'

Personnel Manager to applicant: 'Your resume and references are excellent, but your hair is too silly.'

"Next riddle without looking it up, can you tell me which is the routing number and which is the account?"

'All right already! I get it! The baby needs a diaper change and it's my turn!! Yeesh!'

Cryptologists Anonymous

Crossword bathroom tiles.

"It's all hypothetical, of course, but how much wood do you think you could chuck?"

'What goes ho, ho, ho, plop?'

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

"Let's just agree to disagree." "I suggested that first!"

"I give up. What's black and white and red all over?"

"Who's next?"

'Okay, I give up. What is black,has two wings and fourteen legs?'

Still dazed...Lester is confused as to which came first, the chickens or the eggs?

Wordplay: Fertilizer.

'Soon I will have proved it ONCE AND FOR ALL!'

'You talk in riddles!' 'I'M A POET!