Resume Perfectionists Gifts

'Your resume says you pay attention to detail, which I would find easier to buy if your fly wasn't unzipped.'

'By the way, there is no 'Z' in resume.'

"First, please take your resume out of its 24 carat gold picture frame."

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Build Your Own Portfolio

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

How to deliver a successful presentation.

"Any questions?"

"Quit stalling, Smithers. Where's the SALES chart?"

'It appears the 'What?'s have it.'

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

The Importance of Planning Thoroughly in Advance

"Good invisible exports figures this quarter, sir."

Do you have any other skills?

"I’ve seen better metaphors in my litter box."

"I'll be glad when they invent PowerPoint."

Hanging off every word...

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

'This prediction has a margin of error of plus or minus fifteen...fifteen class-action suits brought against the company.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"Hmmm, this might just be not funny enough for The New Yorker."

'Can't he ever use a different kind of chart?'

'At this juncture in my presentation, I'd like to dispense with the illusion of coherence.'

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

"In response to your request for better communications, I'm going to increase my lengthy explanation by 50%."

'I was attracted to you but your online photo, but now that I've seen you in High-Def...'

"Your resume's very impressive, but we're looking for a financial wizard."

"I can't tell you how it ended. That would ruin the sequel."

"On the contrary. For this position we're looking for someone who can think 'inside the box'."

"Just as I thought! You used our competitor's paper for your resume!"