Resume Magician T-Shirts

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

"Let me see if I've got this straight."

"A very impressive resume, I confess I didn't realise there was a Nobel prize for 'being the best at computers and all that stuff'."

'Mike, how's the world's greatest writer of fiction?'

'This resume is one of the most boastful, deceptive pieces of fraud I've ever seen. You're hired.'

Yeah, I'm a self-made man. I lied on all my resumes and bluffed my way to the top.

"For those missing years, I refer you to my book 'Lost in Tanzania.'"

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'Now THAT'S a presentation! Great delivery, great graphics, and he moonwalks from the room.'

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

Desert Island BBQ

'They all laughed when I told them that I was going to marry a magician.'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

'He's trying to put some magic into my recipes.'

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

"Steady. This is going to be so sweet."

Primitive magician

"I can't believe he brought her."

Noreldo, The Mental Marvel, Reads The Mind Of His Cat, Ned:

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'I know my resume makes me seem overtrained, but I really wasn't paying attention.'

"I just need help getting the pit out."

'The cutbacks begin to affect wizards.'

"Now this chart should clear up any confusion you have with the report."

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

Optical Illusion Supply Company.

"We made a miscalculation, but it's consistent with our over-all strategy."

"JB wears many hats. He just can't delegate"

"For my next trick, I'll need a volunteer, a fake knife, and a mirrored box with a secret compartment."

'Herb will provide one of his concise interpretations of the quarterly sales charts.'