Resume Critique Fan T-Shirts

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"Head of Sales, VP of Marketing, and an endangeres species....Wow. I'm impressed..."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

Personnel Manager to applicant: 'Your resume and references are excellent, but your hair is too silly.'

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

"Any talents besides tasting good?"

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

"Sorry, I'm looking for someone with a twinkle in the eye."