Resume Critique Fan T-Shirts

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"Yes, I suppose attention seeking may be considered by some as an asset, but frankly we need more than that."

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

'Interesting resume, would you mind if I kept it overnight? I'd like to take it home with me...and scare the living daylight out of my kids.'

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"Head of Sales, VP of Marketing, and an endangeres species....Wow. I'm impressed..."

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

Personnel Manager to applicant: 'Your resume and references are excellent, but your hair is too silly.'

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

'I'm hiring a football equipment manager to add some padding to my résumé.'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

'You're a good first draft. We would like to see a finished version.'

'Guilty? But I just hired an expensive personnel firm to update my resume.'

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."