Career Critique Enthusiast T-Shirts

'This is more precise than objectively reviewing resumes.'

"Have you ever considered that you haven't been promoted because you're and idiot?"

"Where do you see yourself in 20 to 25 years?"

Even more of what people say (and what they really mean)

Up-to-date Career-Specific Romance Novels

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

Master's Degrees of the Universe

"What are your other qualifications besides 'my daddy owns the company'?"

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"I don't see any mention of quicksand skills on your resume."

'Before your 'routine' surgery, your manager would like to stop by and give you a 'routine' exit interview.'

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

"I'd like your honest, unbiased and possibly career-ending opinion on something."

'Call this one -I like short resumes.'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

"Your CV is very impressive. We're interested in the person who wrote it."

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

"You could do a lot worse then be good at football... I know... some people have to settle for politics."

'I see by your resume that you're toilet-trained.'

"It's agreed, then—we look for a new place for lunch."

Time Slavery.

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

"I don't see your Zodiac sign anywhere on your resume."

"Do you mind if I put this on instagram?"

'With NBC all those years, and never a bonus, stock option or retirement plan...'

On sale at the Enbridge gift shop.

If you could be any vegetarian, which one would you be and why?

110% Job Performance.

'I'm just sorting through the latest job applications now.'

Innovation Stops Here

"Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it."

'This is the worst CV I've ever seen!'

"I'm less judgmental now that I've failed at everything in life."