Restauranteering Pillows

"When you're ready to order, ask for me by name. We work on commission."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

Diner.

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

Burger Queen: The Patriarchy is Dead.

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

"I come here for the pepper."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Benihana style of cooking.

"How fresh is the calamari?"