Restauranteering Pillows

"When you're ready to order, ask for me by name. We work on commission."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'Your French dip, sir.'

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"Even the waiters here are organic."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Diner.

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

Benihana style of cooking.

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"This is our soft opening."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey