Restaurant Ruckus Reveler Pillows

"I ordered my steak rare - and this is well done...!"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"Did you order the flying jalapeños?"

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

Waiter: 'Your Tossed salad Ma'am.'

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

'Red or white wine with fish?' 'They're dead. They don't care.'

'I'm afraid the Chef's Surprise today is that he ran off with one of the waitresses.'

'Yes, all our flambe dishes come with injury, liability insurance.'

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

Spaghetto

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

"Baldo, why are you eating dessert first?"

Santana Claus

"Fresh sprinkles for your ice cream?"

'I'll have what he's having.'

'But this can't be what I ordered ... I know I ordered somethng I like.'

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

When alcohol and gimmicky restaurants collide.

When the prey becomes the predator.

'Don't bother to leave a tip, I had one of your fish fingers.'

"And would you like a divorce with that?"

'Boy, when they say one trip salad bar, they MEAN one trip salad bar!'

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

'I never get tipped!'

"The service here is terrible."

Coronavirus and the Reopening of Restaurants

"Insurance Company Report...damage to 4500 roofs..."

Texting or no texting?