Restaurant Recluse Gifts

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

Excess Baggage: Some people take getting away from it all very seriously.

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

"He spends 24/7 behind that computer of his. I guess he lives in a fishbowl, too."

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

'He lives in a house, and it's by the side of the road, but he's still not a friend to man.'

"Fresh sprinkles for your ice cream?"

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

'Don't tell anybody, but I'm not wearing a robe.'

Elderly Tarzan...

'Could you hurry up on that order for table five? -- they're holding the maitre d' hostage.'

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

"Meet JD Salinger's neighbors"

'But this can't be what I ordered ... I know I ordered somethng I like.'

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

'Don't bother to leave a tip, I had one of your fish fingers.'

When alcohol and gimmicky restaurants collide.

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

"Harold, do I smell too Crabtree & Evelynish?"

"You can just leave it on that crag, thanks."