Restaurant Recluse Gifts

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

#Whyneighborsdon'tknowtheirneighbors

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

Excess Baggage: Some people take getting away from it all very seriously.

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

'It's a sign of the times, a high rise block of caves reserved for hermits.'

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

"That's it sorted then - this year we'll spend a fortnight in the spare bedroom."

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

'He lives in a house, and it's by the side of the road, but he's still not a friend to man.'

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

"He spends 24/7 behind that computer of his. I guess he lives in a fishbowl, too."

"We'll get your food going as soon as the exterminators are done in the kitchen."

Elderly Tarzan...

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

"Meet JD Salinger's neighbors"

'Don't tell anybody, but I'm not wearing a robe.'

'Could you hurry up on that order for table five? -- they're holding the maitre d' hostage.'

"Fresh sprinkles for your ice cream?"

'But this can't be what I ordered ... I know I ordered somethng I like.'

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"

"Why, yes, I am 'still working on that.' You know what I'm not working on? Your gratuity!"

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

"You can just leave it on that crag, thanks."

'Don't bother to leave a tip, I had one of your fish fingers.'

When alcohol and gimmicky restaurants collide.