Restaurant Raver T-Shirts

"Give us your best table for four."

"There's a caterpillar in my food."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

'Can I get a box for this?'

"Give him his food."

Preparing for Casual Friday at the Genome Lab

'How do you guys want your trans fatty acids prepared?'

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"Linguini for two?"

'How do you prepare your chicken?' 'We just tell 'em they're gonna die.'

"Let me give you the Heimlich. That always gets the waiter's attention."

'Maybe that'll teach you not to argue with the waiter over the bill!'

'I thought it was your figure you were supposed to be watching !'

Roadkill Restaurant

Three Pigs.

"Uncle Tod's Reviews"

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"Haven't you got anything that hasn't been regurgitated?"

" and my husband will have..."

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

Life Discovered on Mars

"I want a big-a*s salad."

Tonight... Dine At The Terror Room

"I'll have the cheesecake, hold the cake."

Even in his dessert choices he tended to be arbitrary and unilateral.

"I've burnt the roast...Turn down the restaurant lighting a touch!"