Restaurant Ranger T-Shirts

"The grilled snapper also comes with a bonus audio commentary from the chef."

Bitchbark Canoe

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'A cheeky red?'

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"You do realize you can't take that one home."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'He just burst into my campsite, and broke my banjo!'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

La Table

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).