Restaurant Oracle T-Shirts

"Baldo, being a newspaper critic isn't all about being negative. You have to find positive things to say too."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'A cheeky red?'

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

La Table

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"