Restaurant Host T-Shirts

'Could I have a table near a waiter, please?'

"Yes, it was a table for eight, but at the last moment our wives refused to join us."

"If you folks can give me a couple minutes, I do believe a table’s opening up."

"Veal or non-veal?"

"Molting or non molting?"

'Hi. I'm Rabbi Feldman, and I'll be your mohel this evening.'

'Do you have a reservation?'

"I'll be your maitre D# this evening."

'A table near the food, please.'

'A table near the food, please.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Grace For Flies

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

Counting ribs

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Fast food. Even faster food

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'