Restaurant Hosts T-Shirts

'Ties must be worn.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

Grace For Flies

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Counting ribs

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"Even the waiters here are organic."

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

Fast food. Even faster food

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Umm ... not sure what notes you'll detect on your palate, but it'll get you ripped."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop