Restaurant Experiences Pillows

'How is the water prepared?'

"This one gives you a nice rich, oaky hangover."

"Excuse me, can we change our order from quality to quantity?"

"Ambiance or non-ambiance section?"

'Not yet! Wait until he hits the breaking point... we just gave him some warm, soft bread and the cold, hard butter... THEN we bring out the flimsy plastic knife.'

"I'm afraid the chocolate cake puts you over the calorie cap."

'I wish I had eaten all that bread.'

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

'Coffee strong enough?'

'How did you find your steak, sir?'

'Careful, this plate isn't hot.'

'Can't a cow eat alone at a fancy restaurant without being stared at?'

'I've had a very boring day so far, sir -- I HOPE you're not going to order meatloaf!'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'Waiter. There's a hair in my soup!'

'It's your fault telling you don't mind who tastes it!'

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'He's a waiter. Here you don't order through a speaker.'

'Soufle, can I have the blueprint?.'

"How's your meal OTHERWISE, sir?"

"Unlimited, my foot! - It's only good for a 24-hour period!"

"I guess I shouldn't have asked for the cherries jubilee to go!"

"Oh, sure, I eat gluten ... but only in certain restaurants."

"Everyone reading their fortunes aloud will not relieve the crushingly dull conversation."

'You'd better be insured, buddy! -- I just burned my thumb in your stupid French onion soup!'

"All the world’s a stage, and we merely the actors/waiters."

"I've added eighteen percent to your bill because it's more than fifteen percent."

"Waiter, there's a hair in my soup!"

"Everything bagel?"

I'm not going to send over my manager just because there's a fly in your soup. What about sending over the fly's manager.

Man Gagging In A Restaurant.

"I told you the service was very personal!"

'Just give him the tip, Harold.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"My bouche was not amused."