Responsible Partier Pillows

"It's O.K., I've got his car keys."

Spin the Bottle on Student Drinking

A tourist inadvertently destroying the place he is visiting

No littering...

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

"This is why I want you to remember the three most important words in the world: spay, neuter, adopt."

The Female Brain and The Other One

A wiser and a better man

When Someone Says Biden Sucks, You Are Supposed to Have a Good Answer

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

Voter impatience.

'Your neighbor wanted me to break up a wild party, but actually, I find this a congenial affair,'

"Me: I never get invited to anything Also me: Sorry, I'm so tired, think I'll stay in."

Investments: We have socially correct stocks, but 'wrong' usually pays better.

"See? I told you it would be more fun settling our differences over a few drinks."

Man and his dog walk along concerned about what they might've forgotten to do.

"Are you ready to rock within your means so as not to lose sight of what’s really important?"

"Hey, gang! Before this blast gets under way, would you all please stand for Whitney Houston's rendition of our national anthem?"

Nerds night out: 'Dibs on Designated Driver.'

The Republican Machine

"Yes, I'm a dog person. How did you know?"

"They're not just my eggs. They're your eggs, too."

'I just want a candidate who doesn't make me flinch.'

Party's designated driver.

'Are you kidding, I used to get high with Smokey all the time.'

"This says first-born children are list-makers, reliable, organized and serious!"

"No more for me, thanks. I'm responsibly sauced."

Don't Drink Drive.

Making a list, checking it twice...

"Well that certainly took long enough! Next on the hit list...the Tea Party and that dang Glenn Beck."

'For Pete's sake, we don't use the term 'bacteria' anymore! It's 'probiotic.''

Uncle Sam, Lady Liberty and Lady Justice walk into a bar that is advertising a "Pursuit of Happiness Hour" in its front window.

Designated driver at a party.

"I'm ready for the 4th of July. I have on red lipstick, a white gown and a blue hat."