Resolution Romancer Pillows

Mister January.

Guy in gym

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

Company Ink.

'My mother's resolution is to eat more vegetables, and my resolution is to help her by giving her mine.'

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

'Attention everyone! I'd like to make a rebuttal of the resolution my husband just made about my going SHOPPING.'

"You complete me, Barbara."

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

Wife asking husband what resolutions he is going to make for the new century

'You haven't seem my New Years Resolutions have you?...The one where I'm committing to 2,5000 billable hours and pulling in 6 major clients.'

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

Their first New Year's solution was easy to fulfill: turning the foodchain.

My New Year's resolution is to be a better person. Very noble. I want to work harder to improve the planet. What's your resolution, mom? Pretty much the same. To be a better-looking person? Hey! It's planetary cleanup. Nan's Hair and Nails.

'You know I can never stay mad at you. Get in here, ya big galoot.'

'I like you, Susan, you have an intuitive interface.'

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

Good intentions last a month on average

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

"Sure-fire weight loss program."

Dear Diary...Resolutions

Great ... Thanks to your "calendar" invention, now I have to think of a New Year's resolution.

"Would you like to come in and see my cave drawings?"

"Ah, but that wasn't a campaign promise - It was a NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION!"

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

Who am I kidding?