Resolution Planner Gifts

"A little bit less television, a little bit more books on tape. What's your New Year's resolution?

'For your information, I am engaging the energy of change and complexity to create the future I desire.'

Pipe Dream.

"Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Work hard. Save money. Yay!!! I died rich!"

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

"Some day, son, all this will be your ex-wife's."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"Three more years of high school."

"Doing your homework may lead to a job that has homework."

"When I grow up, I want to go into medicine and help people who can pay out of pocket."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'May I be excused? I just checked my college investment portfolio online, and I feel sick.'

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

"Where do you expect to be ten years from now?"

'I considered running away, but since I'll probably be living at home until I'm 38, it's a bad career move.'

Saving for College.

'Will I have to be a mum when I grow up?'

Yes, I agree that man is a master of his own destiny but sometimes it helps if you pass algebra.

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

Great doing business with you. I look forward to next year.

What will the little one be? Epidemiologist? Virologist? PPE manufacturer?

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

'No, Adam, 'awesome' is not an acceptable choice of what you want to be when you grow up.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

In the future, wars will be fought over water.

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.