Resolution Breakaway Pillows

"Well there goes the last of the NEW YEARS resolutions."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Make your resolutions achievable.

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

"I hate this time of year."

Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

The trick to losing weight is to eat a small portion and wait 10 minutes. By then your resolve has caught up with your appetite!

'My whole family made New Year's resolutions. Dad's eating more fruit, Mom's eating more vegetables, and I'm eating more cake.'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

'My Ed is a lawyer. All of his New Year's resolutions have escape clauses.'

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

'I'm here to sign up for a membership since the muscle shirt didn't work.'

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

"So what are you planning on giving up for New Year?"

Realistic resolutions 1. Give up drinking (until you have a terrible day on January 7th) 2. Exercise (until you realise it is too cold and you are too tired) 3. Eat healthy food (until you remember that you love - and in fact need - an enormous plate of mac 'n' cheese)

"This year I'm going to lose weight!"

Okay, now we've got a quorum!

The Ten Resolutions

'I made up my mind to spend less time on line, and I was doing real well 'til they brought the computer back from the shop.'

Gym Resolutions

'Test results indicate you broke your New Year's resolution.'