Resolute Realist Pillows

I resolve to drive past a gym at least twice a week

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

COVID Devotion

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

"I can be perfect for only one hour a day."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

'Management doesn't think we have a staffing problem...Apparently all we need to do is to use our imagination.'

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Fourteen months ago, I started with H20. I just ended with H20."

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Dear Diary...Resolutions

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

Who am I kidding?

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

Japanese disaster

"You can be anything!". . . "Take whatever you can get."

'No fortune cookies please - I don't want to get my hopes up.'