Resident Pillows

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Ok, interns, this elderly female presents with symptoms stemming from drosophila ingestion. Thoughts? Prognosis?'

"I know you're new to the job, Ms. Jones, but the correct term is 'stat'... not 'move your ass'!"

'I'm not keen on getting any more apps, but I just had to have this one - it takes my unusually neat handwriting and digitally converts it to sloppy doctor writing.'

'Four years of medical school and three years of residency, and you come bothering me with the sniffles?'

'Twelve years if college, medical school, internship and residency and it never occured to me that I'd have to work the night shift.'

'Your test results are in, Mr. Znarfendorg, and you seem to have Znarfendorg's syndrome.'

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

Where your mind & battle are los

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

"Do you want to pretend to be a doctor and I'll pretend to be a hotshot civil litigation attorney who sues you till your ears bleed?"

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

At the Museum

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

A Good Batch.

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

The Vineyard

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"We've made great progress!"

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."