Resident Gifts

"The doctor was more lucid today! That's a good sign!"

'Ok, interns, this elderly female presents with symptoms stemming from drosophila ingestion. Thoughts? Prognosis?'

"I know you're new to the job, Ms. Jones, but the correct term is 'stat'... not 'move your ass'!"

'I'm not keen on getting any more apps, but I just had to have this one - it takes my unusually neat handwriting and digitally converts it to sloppy doctor writing.'

'Four years of medical school and three years of residency, and you come bothering me with the sniffles?'

'Twelve years if college, medical school, internship and residency and it never occured to me that I'd have to work the night shift.'

'Your test results are in, Mr. Znarfendorg, and you seem to have Znarfendorg's syndrome.'

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

Where your mind & battle are los

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

2021

A female patient in an exam room sees a sign that reads, 'Break glass in case of physician burnout'

At the Museum

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

A Good Batch.

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

"His first out-of-body experience."

"Unfortunately, once the child contracts Pokémon, he lives with it forever."

"We've made great progress!"

The Vineyard

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'Honey, I wish you wouldn't bring your work home with you!'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'