Research Assistant Gifts

Genius Envy

Late at night the research assistant would videotape their shanigans.

Your salary as a research assistant is commensurate on your ability of spell, define, and delineate the work 'commensurate.'

Scientific Research: 'Does your research on the sunset include the observation of the sunrise?'

"See - it works in my fantasy research league."

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

The Jeopardy of Progress

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

"Good boy."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

2021

In basket-case.

'Dr.Sall Thompson got so excited over the new spring design she took a quantum leap!'

Valuable business advice from some famous disruptive technologies.

"Finally, after years of work, irrefutable proof that I'm a nerd."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

Fear/Knowledge

"Would you like me to annotate that for you?"

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

UK/US Free Trade Deal

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"She's done it! The formula for work-life balance!"

"Finches, don't look now, but there's a creepy guy staring at our beaks."

"You're going to have to submit to peer review eventually, Bradshaw!"