Academic Researcher Gifts

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

"I'm honored to share my research at your virtual academic conference."

'I love our lunches out here, but I always get the feeling that we're being watched.'

Department of Archaeology Floor Plan

Research/Bottlenecks/Development.

Skeptic: Critical Thinking, Facts, Debunking.

"We just don't get involved with things like double-blind tests and peer review. We'e just a little mom-and-pop laboratory."

"...but our most useful publication is the 'Journal of don't-do-it: it's-already-been-done'."

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

'Never mind inspiration. I need background material on atomic physics.'

'A large Federal study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that large federal studies don't prove anything.'

"His grant application was accepted."

"That's all we get around here: Gimme, gimme, gimme."

'Prof. Sigurdt has made giant strides in making genetic engineering profitable.'

"Here's a new bill to pay. . . intellectual property tax!"

"Help with writing grant applications? Yep, that's my specialty!"

Door sign states: Reincarnation studies Come again ... and again.

Bookshop: Unpopular Economics

Academic Jeopardy - "Reality divided by two gives us this truth."

Dr Frankenstein: 'Lost my grant - please help!'

Archaeology department

"This brain drain is starting to become a major problem."

'Our grant money is due in today and I had a dream last night that it would be small.'

The Internet: Hate and Smut

"Good boy."

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

"I imagined the Library of Congress would be much bigger."

University Science Dept - Grant writer: 'EUREKA!'

"Congratulations Professor, the committee 'okayed' your grant request."

University 'Safe Space' Future

Archeology Dept. Storage. Ernie, this box should be labeled "unidentified pottery fragments," not "pots unknown."

"Why is there an ad for Jay-Z in the New England Journal of Pediatric Medicine?!"

"Ya know, 'DUH' can be a very hurtful word."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

The Jeopardy of Progress