Reptile Rascal Gifts

For the last time, Mr. Clooney - That's not what we do here.

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

"I don't care if you saw this in a western..."

'This model is hard to get parts for.'

'There's so much I want to do with my life...before I reach the age of criminal responsibility, that is.'

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

"Well, you said you wanted something to remove spiders from the bath!"

'Barry I think it's time you had your eyes checked!'

'I counted them as well. . .There were four too many.'

'Excellent. But try it again and this time start your sway at the beginning of the fourth bar, O.K.?'

'How do people without a middle name know when the're in trouble?'

The Great Maldini and his Venomous Snakes

'A listener from Ridgeway asks, 'When visiting a friend, is it improper to drink out of the toilet unless asked first?' Good question...'

Snake Dress-Up

'You kids get out of this park right now and go play in traffic!!!'

'Break a leg.' - 'Thanks a lot.'

'I think the temperature's a bit low in the Terrarium!'

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

"It's new. It's called a pre-tip. You pay me now and I'll actually bring your food before it's cold!"

Ram Raiders deterred due to wet paint.

'He didn't buy us as pets, he bought us as pet-food: He has a snake!'

'What are we doing here? I thought only birds do this.'

'Hey! Who left the television off?'

'I meant the other snake, Idiot!'

No child onboard. Don't drive carefully.

'I sent Ben to fly fishing school, now he's a menace to the whole stream!'

'Hey, I think that's him: alligator riding motorcycle, wearing goggles and a bandana - hold it- there's no bandana.'

'Mercy, no, Mr Jackson, that's just Corky's way of saying hello.'

"Gloves off at the table please!" "They're not gloves, they're dirt!"

"He's normally not affectionate, but he has really taken a liking to you!2

'And you can't remember why you tied a knot in your snake?'