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In Vitro Fertilization.

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

I read an article about the health benefits of dark chocolate so I make sure all the donuts I eat are covered with dark chocolate.

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

Radiology, Cardiology and Fertility Clinic.

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"Because the 'morning after pill' is not a rectal suppository."

Ed finally had to admit that his body was less of a temple and more of a worn-out parish church with a bouncy castle out front.

Doctor to overweight patient: 'I assure you, stomach stapling is quite routine these days.'

"I can't eat these nutrition bars. They're for women."

Scientific reaction to the news of declining sperm counts was mixed.

A man's health care options.

No. 83 In A Series OF Extraordinary Unlikely Events.

Sir, we have plenty of fine herbal tea for you to sample...but you're drinking the potpourri.

''Why, I feel as light as a feather,' thought Shirley, 'I don't think I'll go on that diet, after all!'

Spermaid - A spermaid waves to a passing sperm.

"I'd better go -- I think my wife's menopause has arrived."

"What if she's not my type?"

"You are here."

Ringing the Doorbell

'It was cheaper and less painful than a Gastric Band procedure...'

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'I take it this wasn't quite the outcome you were expecting from your 'spot reduction diet'?'

"Really. I'll just come in for a minute."

'Has the medication had any other side effects?'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

"So the SM is for swedish massage?"

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"

"That's right, fifty pounds and the pick of the litter."

Aromatherapy.

"Don't knock over the frozen embryos."

'I think my gastric band's too tight.'