Replay Reviewer T-Shirts

"You know a game is close when every time you watch the replay the result changes."

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

'But I did study. I guess the software didn't install successfully.'

"Gosh, 'inept' seems so harsh. Personally, I prefer the term 'productivity-challenged!'"

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

"I've just been reincarnated, anyone here know what iphone we're up to?"

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

"Anyway, to make a long story short, I'm the guy who invented CliffsNotes."

The Music Critic.

Performance reviews in Hell.

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"Well yes, you're a worker, but I think we can both agree that you're not a hard worker now, can't we?"

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

The Critic...

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"How was the play!"

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

Before instant replay.

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

"Dad, Cruz and I are going to see 'Planet of the Apes.'"

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

"You call that a suit?"

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

Gas Pedal Sticking?

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

"They're remaking the old 'Dracula' film again..."

"Do you have a menu sorted by relevance, average customer review, and price low to high?"

Don Tudge's Positive Movie Reviews

The new Avengers movie is going to be better than the new X-Men movie because it's not about saving the whole world. Yeah. People are tired of blockbusters where the fate of the whole world is at stake. That's why "The Martian" did so well. It was only about the fate of Matt Damon and his potato garden. I want to see a movie where aliens try to conquer Venus and nobody cares. We really should have our own movie review show.

I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think. About what, little buddy? Star Trek. The latest movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus. Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives.

"You're gonna love this guy's act. He's, like, 'not funny, funny, not funny.'"