Rental Agreements Pillows

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

"Flat-U-Lease!"

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

"I rented out the basement."

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

Home Sweet Sign

'You've got just 2 minutes to pack then you are on OUR time and I'm going to start charging you rent!'

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

House hunting is cruel.

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"Airbnb?"

"Sorry son, I rented out your room to backpackers on Airbnb."

"We need to be careful."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

Turtle Eviction

'I always thought Facebook was the perfect roommate...Until the rent came due.'

The lessor of two evils.

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

We divided it up and turned it into a rental.

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

Airport Terminal. Rental Cars. That self-driving vehicle is waiting for us to go first. It's a courtesy van!

"How much are they for my rent? About three times a week!"