Rent Famously Pillows

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'...you said, 'it only gets a bit damp when it rains'!''

'There goes any chance of us getting our security deposit back.'

"I rented out the basement."

'Honey, the neighbors have persuaded me to stop coming out into the hallway every morning to play 'reveille'!'

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

House hunting is cruel.

"I need an apartment just big enough for a laptop, a coffee cup, and me."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

"We need to be careful."

Letting agent on the phone: 'OK, so there's fungus in the bathroom - but on the plus side, it IS organic.'

Turtle Eviction

It's a nice apartment but I don't want to pay my share of the national debt for rent.

The lessor of two evils.

"It's a new rent concept - fifteen minutes for a quarter."

"The previous tenant has gone away for a very long time."

"Five more minutes, I was dreaming our apartment was rent-controlled."

"Let's see - you might be just right for a little 2-turret, 1 1/2 moat unit I'm renting on West 58th street."

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors, slip-and-fall warning, and, barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'I'm presuming by the amount of rent you're asking for, it includes a full-time butler, maid and gardening staff!'

'Sorry, my dog says no landlords allowed!'

'Water is included with rent.'

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

"How much are they for my rent? About three times a week!"

"He's moving out when he's saved up enough for a deposit on a flat."

Tenants and Landlords - 'Are we nearly there? ...'

"If this is a bit beyond your budget then I've got a shoebox coming available next week!"