Renovation Aficionado Gifts

Changing house name.

"What if we put the solid granite Jacuzzi on the first floor?"

'Now there's a real pro! He can even nail while power napping.'

'I can use surgery to restore your sex drive. Do you want the £3000 operation or the £4000 one?' - 'I'd rather have a new kitchen.'

Cartoon showing a group snails, one has a large shell underneath him. Another snail, observing, says to his mate: "Another basement conversion.".

Church Roof - Estimate.

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

'I found the termites!'

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

'We want it painted the colour of money!'

'What kind of alteration did you have in mind?'

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"Except for that wall socket, the whole damn thing is a trompe-l'oeil."

"I don't need a lecture Dad, I know all I need to know from the online tutorials of @DamKing61, @HotDam72 and @DamEasy27. . ."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Hey, I just consider myself very fortunate to be getting paid for something I'd be doing anyway."

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

Cutaway view of house undergoing renovation

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'So, how much to remove this ugly old tree? $1750. It's not THAT ugly.'

You're right, it's the house next door that gets the new window.

'She must be good at mixing cement - She's been making rock cakes for years.'

'We're waiting for an estimate that doesn't make him do that.'

Hmm, now that I see it, I think I like the dam back where you put it before.

"The keep saying unrestored and what a nice PATINA, Ted. A better-sounding word for old tarnished stuff would be SCRINCH or SKRITCH, don't you think, eh, Ted?"

"It's not so much a fixer upper as a tear it downer."

Folding Container.

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

"Just so you understand in advance - we're not old-time craftsmen, and we don't take pride in our work."

"There's nothing like new carpeting to freshen up a place, I say."

'We're starting to build our own house. How much is this two by four?'