Remorseful Reprobate Gifts

"I'll probably hate myself in the morning."

"You're telling me I should leave the artists' commune that saved me from my stepmother's tyrannical elitism, where I have seven boyfriends, to become the impotent figurehead of another unjust power structure?"

"Some days I really wish I had finished med school. Not that I ever started med school."

Workers' Rights

My dad's doing flowers for a huge sweet 16 party. Everyone's invited except me! Who cares? It's probably some loser who couldn't get anyone to come over without going over the top. Thanks, Em! You know what's important. Plus! We'll figure out whose party it is and crash it! You're my spiritual guide.

'All the fourth grade guys took a blood oath not to learn anything during the summer.'

'Aren't you done yet? This is taking forever! I should have went somewhere else!...'

J. M. Coetzee

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

Literate Dogs.

Nine Lives Matter

'Something that says I'm sorry without admitting liability.'

'The dietary exchange for this food is 3 days of unrelenting remorse.'

Long tattoo on arm of man drinking coffee reads, "Born to go binge-drinking, get pierced and tattooed, then wake up the next day really annoyed at myself for being such an idiot!"

"I'm at my wits end."

"Looks like a case of Death by Missed Adventure."

"Never get a tattoo when you're drunk and hungry."

Every year at the annual 'MoveOn Swim Day', Dan really regretted having dated Grasie Wallace in high school.

"Joe's trying to get around the smoking ban."

George Bush with The Sword of Damocles

"In 5 years I see myself wishing it was 10 years ago."

"Actually I did know then what I know now. It didn't help."

Candy 50c All Sales Final.

"By law, we have to show you what your tattoo will look like in 40 years."

Egads. When played backwards these say things like,listen to your higher power and,respect your parents.

The Backs Of Adult Cereal Boxes

''Larry this' and 'Larry that'. . . And no one has anything nice to say about the hole.'

"None of this would have happened if we had minded our own beeswax."

'Let me remind you. Wherever I happen to be is a smoking area.'