Remake Reviewer Gifts

"They're remaking the old 'Dracula' film again..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Canadian film production

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

The Music Critic.

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

The Critic...

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"You call that a suit?"

"How was the play!"

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

"What do the know!"

"I can't decide if that was bad in a good way, good in a good way, good in a bad way, or bad in a bad way."

Don Tudge's Positive Movie Reviews