Remake Reviewer Gifts

"Dad, Cruz and I are going to see 'Planet of the Apes.'"

"They're remaking the old 'Dracula' film again..."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Thought for today: "All the world's a stage." - Shakespeare. And boy, are there a lot of drama critics.

Canadian film production

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"It's just one bad review and we all know who wrote it."

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

This action stuff is okay, but try a romance or comedy next time.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

The Music Critic.

"Why settle for itsy-bitsy when you could be swole as hell?"

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"We interrupt this rubbish to give you another chance to switch off."

The Critic...

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"How was the play!"

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

"You call that a suit?"

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

New from NBC: 'World's Biggest Feline Loser.'

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

Book Review Translator

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

Don Tudge's Positive Movie Reviews

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.