Reluctant Homebody Gifts

'My husband hadn't kicked up his heels in 20 years, but he couldn't leave well enought alone.'

Golfing Boss

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

'Honestly, dear, I'm just giving my pedometer a rest.'

'But I don't want to be able to turn on the toaster with the TV remote!'

'Hey, we have one of those. You hang your laundry on it.'

'How should I know how things are at home, I moved into the pub a month ago.'

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

No you can't get out yet. You've only been in there for three hours

octopus knitting a jumper...

Mental To-Do List

John was bck from extended leave, but he hadn't quite got in the swing of things yet.

'As long as I stand here I'm safe. . . no stress. . . no pressure. . . no need to impress. . . I can just relax and be who I am. . .'

'But this IS my mobile home!'

'I'm sorry I didn't come to work yesterday, sir -- somehow, it seemed like Sunday.'

You'll need all your energy when you get home.

Recreational Vehicles - Come in and Choose Your Free Range Home.

"Every day I live in fear that our jobs will be replaced by pillows."

A Vampire asleep in his 'Coffin Sweet Coffin'.

Hunting - Man asked to go hunting by his wife

Burning the midnight oil again?

"No need to rush back to work. The office lad is doing your job."

"Honestly, Doug, you never want to do anything. . . I swear with you, it's always meh, meh, meh!"

"I was celebrating Hump Day and ended up with Throw-Out-Your-Back Thursday."

The Imperfect Hostess

"Every year it's the same story...dangerous situations. Slippery slopes. Inescapable traps. Horrible creatures. But I trudge forward because no matter what...it's hard to avoid the first day of school."

'You can't do this to me, Arlene! -- I'm not the outdoorsy TYPE!'

"May, I don't care how wet the toilet seat gets, I turned the water off last time."

"Sorry, I can't make it tonight - I have too good a parking sport."

"Say, Honey, I forgot to tell you that the Snootmyers called...they'll be over for drinks in twenty minutes!"

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

"Ed's practicing his stand up routine. No, he's not a comedian...he's just standing up!"

'Since he was made redundant he likes to make himself useful around the house.'