Reluctant Casanova Pillows

"You're always trying too hard, Eddie!"

"Talk nerdy to me."

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

The Boys of Indian Summer

Telling Self to Buzz Off

'Going my way, gorgeous?'

"Sorry... My School Aversion Syndrome is totally bad today."

'Liquor will solve this problem, chief!'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

'I'm sorry I didn't come to work yesterday, sir -- somehow, it seemed like Sunday.'

"Go join your coach and the rest of your team. I'll be watching from the bar."

"Enjoy my first day at school? You mean there'll be others?"

'Derek's a big fan of resisistance workouts. He always resists working out.'

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this committee.'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

This week, House Manager Blowviatt has been asked to avoid the appearance of playing to the cameras.

'Don't worry, Mom - I'll do my book report during the next commercial.'

"Mom, don't believe it. It's Fake News."

'He loves all sports, he can sit and watch others do it all day.'

The Imperfect Hostess

"You are a very beauty woman. May I buy you a coke?"

"Say, Honey, I forgot to tell you that the Snootmyers called...they'll be over for drinks in twenty minutes!"

"We just weren't compatible.Her body-clock was telling her to settle down and have kids,and mine was telling me that the pub was open."

Trying to get kids into sports

Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it? I'll give you an Indian Ocean raise, minion. How does an Indian Ocean raise of $2 an hour sound? Fun fact: The Indiana Ocean's on the opposite side of the world, so its "up" is our "down." I don't think that's how "up" works, boss. "Relativity" is just a theory.

'What? You mean I ran all the way here and got all that exercise for nothing?'

"The doctor said jogging would 'add ten years to your life...' He was right - I feel ten years older...!!"

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

"Of course, all the good ones are fixed."

"Dr. Garcia is ordering to make a lot of changes in my life."

Bit on the side

'Why don't you lie down until the feeling goes away.'

"Maybe next week when I'm feeling a little better."

Quite by accident one football hater kicked the ball to the other football hater, who kicked it back again...