Religious Scholar Humor Gifts

'Okay, but these are really going to stress everybody out.'

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"It's cool – God told us to!"

"You call this a constitution?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

Pope tarts.

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

Sermon Applause.

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

'Please take your receipt!'

"Does the ark have wifi?"

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Nice try, but Disneyland isn't a foreign mission.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

'This business about the meek inheriting the Earth -- can't anything be done about it?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

Finger puppets in church.

"Pastor Bob is the leader of the flock, son, not the herd."

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

Priest with the Pet Devil.

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

A woman in prayer

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'