Religious Debater Pillows

'I used to think I couldn't serve both God and Mammon, and then I discovered multitasking!'

God is dead.

Worser Mouse Trap

"KJV, NIV, ESV, NKJV, how about just God's word."

Conservative God vs liberal God on heaven and hell.

Jehovah's Witnesses "He went that way"

'Doesn't this 'chosen people' thing sound a little nepotistic?'

"It's more natural than not having sex at all.

"You're the type of person who would have kept believing in the wizard even after Toto drew open the curtain."

"The Bible does not say that!... And if it does, it's taken out of context!... And if it isn't, it's just a metaphor!... And if it's not, it's not a big deal!... And if it is, then that's just how things were done back then!... And if... er... shut up

"How can your god be both intangible and male? Does he have an intangible penis?"

"Heel! I said heel!"

Corruption trial in the Vatican

"If I were your god, I'd have fact-checked this mess before publishing."

"Trust me Jesus, if you want to make a bigger impact work on being seeker friendly."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

"You say we atheists are going to Hell? Look at all the f**ks we give... Go ahead... Look at them all."

Needless to say, God forgot the legs.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'Ok Preacher, here's the deal. You back off I back off, and everyone is happy...'

Today's sermon: 'Do sin taxes violate the seperation of church & state?'

"I think you made your mistake right at the beginning!"

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

'If it's all the same to you, we'd prefer not to get involved.'

"And lo, we made God in our own image.."

Actual Results May Vary

Woman protesting to Free-Kirk pastor about a church organ

'What did you say? 'The light is nothing but an ordinary streetlamp'? Oh no! My own son is an atheist??!'

Basic Theology

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"Let's face it - if your god existed, I'd been struck dead long ago for mocking her."