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"I TOLD you they have hard water around here."

'In conclusion, it's more blessed to give than retrieve.'

'The minister's trying something new to encourage more contributions to the Sunday collection.'

"I don't think this is my order...or even my species."

'Nobody's leaving till I get the offering plate back!'

"What do you weirdos want?!"

No, you idiots, they don't include a "comments" section.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

"You call this a constitution?"

Dogma

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

'Please take your receipt!'

'Those are a few jokes to loosen up the crowd first...how do you like 'em?'

United Church of OMG

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Don't forget to rate us on stable-BnB."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

"Bit big for a cherub, isn't it, Brother Ignatious?"

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

Finger puppets in church.

A woman in prayer

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

Om and Ommer

"His name is Jonah. Are you sure you haven't seen him?"

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."