Religion Critiquer Gifts

"Marriage counseling from a priest is like dietary advice from a bulimic."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

Bishops Snooker

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Church restrooms

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

'I'll decide what I forbid, okay?'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'