Religion Critiquer Gifts

"Marriage counseling from a priest is like dietary advice from a bulimic."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"You're turn to grill tonight Adam, you make the best ribs."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"Freshly ground pepper?"

"No, this is NOT a beta-test!"

The Last upper: Novus Ordo Style

"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

'..Then people will say, 'Why can't dogs get married?'.. And then, 'Why can't cats and dogs marry?'..'

How's my sermon. . .

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

Master Artists' Computer Graphics: Michelangelo's 'God's Creation of the Adam Computer.'

Sunday 10 and 2: The Usual Superstitions.

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

Bishops Snooker

"I've founded my own religion." "Of course you have, Rudy." "It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths." "If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted." "What are the central tenets of your religion?" "A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation."

Church restrooms

'But, apart from the pews, the sermon, the hymns, the coffee and, 'all that praying', you'd come again?'

'Golly, is it that time already?'

First Church - New Policy: To avoid lawsuits, Rev. Loomis' sermons no longer mention sinners by name.

IOUs In The Church Collection Plate

"'Host' and Cheese?"

'Have you got anything for omnipotence?'

"It was a little preachy."

"Pastor, since you refuse to respond to my emails I decided to print off a list of all my objections to your messages."

'Today's sex text is the song of Solomon.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'