Relationship Tuning Gifts

"I don't need you to slay the dragon. I need you to listen about the dragon."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

'Great Therapy!'

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"You used to be that ambitious."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

Mergers or acquisitions.

Dan and Irene's 'communication problems' improve, thanks to Richard, their couples therapist.

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

"He never takes me anywhere."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

"I'm always impressed by these matrimonial agreements, as my wife and I have never agreed on a thing."

'Sir, wife number two is on line one and wife number four is on line three ... or is it the other way around?'

"He's all mine. Life is good."

"I might be down the pub a bit later, Brian, I'm just trying to smooth a few things with the missus."

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

Counselor.

"It's not you, I just prefer big dogs."

"Well that's a load of baloney. I brought you here didn't I?"

DATING FOR NON-DUMMIES

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

"The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber with the second bathroom saved our marriage."

"Your marriage would greatly improve if you were both more open with your emojis."

"Howard may have a few miles on him, but I'm not ready for a trade-in just yet."

"Honey, would you cover your ears? I want to tell Dr. Kalen something."

'Oh, that's my webcam. Probably should have mentioned that at the beginning.'

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."