Relationship Tuning Gifts

"I don't need you to slay the dragon. I need you to listen about the dragon."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'Great Therapy!'

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

"Once again Tony and I are not on the same page. Things in our marriage are definitely not ‘great’."

"You used to be that ambitious."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

'Well, the marriage guidance counsellor advised us to share each others interests, didn't she?'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

Mergers or acquisitions.

Dan and Irene's 'communication problems' improve, thanks to Richard, their couples therapist.

'I think both of you are always too busy: You don't talk anymore...'

"I'm always impressed by these matrimonial agreements, as my wife and I have never agreed on a thing."

"He never takes me anywhere."

'There are signs of improvement but I wouldn't order Christmas cards with both your names on them.'

"He's all mine. Life is good."

'Sir, wife number two is on line one and wife number four is on line three ... or is it the other way around?'

"What on earth do they find to talk about?"

"I might be down the pub a bit later, Brian, I'm just trying to smooth a few things with the missus."

Counselor.

"It's not you, I just prefer big dogs."

'I have rather a full schedule today. Could you summarize your grievances of the past 48 years?'

DATING FOR NON-DUMMIES

"Well that's a load of baloney. I brought you here didn't I?"

"Zoom says we have connectivity issues..."

'May I leave early today, Sir? The market is down and my wife is alone...'

"The marriage counselor didn't save our marriage. The plumber with the second bathroom saved our marriage."

"Honey, would you cover your ears? I want to tell Dr. Kalen something."

'Oh, that's my webcam. Probably should have mentioned that at the beginning.'

"Howard may have a few miles on him, but I'm not ready for a trade-in just yet."

"Your marriage would greatly improve if you were both more open with your emojis."

"I don't know about you, but ever since we invented language, I've been getting a lot less sex."

Tunnel of Begrudging Compromise.