Relationship Scientists T-Shirts

When chemical engineers break up.

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

The best financial decision I ever made.

"Is that true, Charles? You leave your crap all over the house?"

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

Sexual chemistry set

'My serotonin levels have maxed-out, my brain is awash in glucocoriticoids and, if it weren't for my leveling endogenous opiates, I'd float out that window!'

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"I may be obsessive and I may be compulsive, but no way am I obsessive compulsive."

"Men can keep a secret, but it takes a woman to tell them that it was supposed to be a secret!"

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

Awkward First Dates

'You've changed since we got married.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

"I do like you, Peter, but interfacing is a very serious step."

I asked my girlfriend if there was someone else...

'It took me years of training, but now he's my perfect man.'

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

Relationships.

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

Sharing the Bed with Zeno

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'At last, the newly discovered films of Woody Alien.'

"It's nothing, go back to sleep. I was just getting a DNA sample."

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'We've been playing house for 5 minutes, and she's already nagging me to get a job.'

"I'm ready to go whenever you're through fussing with tablescapes."

"I've had you appraised."

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

"I miss the way it was when I thought you knew everything."