Relationship Riddlers Gifts

Do you believe in serial monogamy? I did until I found out it wasn't spelled "cereal."

"How much weed killer would it take to kill my husband?... Er, I mean ten square metres of weeds?"

"My husband is taking me on a cruise, so I’m looking for a book that will help me forget that I’m on a cruise with my husband."

"Is this Randy the Love Doctor?"

She - Interpreter - He.

"Dave, could you hold on a sec while I take care of some personal business?"

'Your place or mine?'

Two people in hazmat suits lie in bed

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

"Harold insists on doing all his own stunts."

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'You think it's easy, being married to a man who thinks of nothing but his work?'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Dammit Harold, you know I hate that mask!"

Sulk Shows

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"You kept me awake all night, grinding your gums."

"I fell in love with her. Then she mutated."

"Are you going to ask for feedback every time you cook a meal?"

I'd invite you in, but my husband, my boyfriend and my python are all very jealous.

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

"Could you speak a little louder? I'm recording this."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"This not the way I envisioned falling in love."

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

"I need to know if you're really serious about our relationship."

Complaining cricket wives

"How much is this going to cost me?"

Dating the efficiency expert.

"Marriage is driving me crazy and she's my designated driver!"

"He says he loves me, but he still uses his first wife's birthday as his password."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

Attack of the 65 - Inch Woman

"It's a legal document authorizing you to carry out a Do Not Resuscitate order on my behalf, although heaven knows, you have a hard enough time cancelling a magazine subscription."