Relationship Mythbusters Pillows

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

That may well be how the catalk models do it, but I still think you look like a three legged horse in a field of cowpats!

"The TV remote? So, I decide what we watch tonight?"

"This will be hilarious!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

The prying mantis,

'Remember you told me to be friendly to your boss.'

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

'Since I met you I can't eat...I can't drink...I'm broke.'

'Dear, couldn't you spend part of your time actually hunting something?'

"Am I through to the next round?"

"While you're at it Houdini, try and find the last ten years of my life in there."

'No, there's nothing on my mind, but if there was I don't want to talk about it.'

'They were all out of roses.'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

'It's not that I don't appreciate your efforts to put magic into our marriage...'

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"There's a shortage of beds, dear."

Personal Relationship Counsellor

"I'm going to be vacuuming, if you want to go into the farthest room and start asking me questions."

Cricketer goes for marriage guidance

'I used to think it was her red dress, but I've discovered I find your mother irritating in any color.'

"How nice. A truffle."

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"Sir,your wife is here for a cuddle."

How's your marriage working out? I'm considering the foreign legion...but I doubt whether they'll take her.