Relationship Mystic T-Shirts

"I just saw my wife here, so I'd like some reassurance this is actually Heaven."

In the Guru District

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Couples' therapy

'Great Therapy!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

Asking out a palm reader.

"Harold, you've changed."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

The Map of the Human Heart

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"There's something I have to tell you."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"Do we go out or do we stay home and open a can of worms?"

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

Yeah, you're right. She's playing hard-to-get.